She had caught several of her boyfriends making out with her best friend.

My mom is a great influence on my life as well as the President of the United States.

He is so popular that everyone drops dead if he walks by them.

I smoked pot with friends but got pregnant by myself.

I felt like a seed, lost in the universe.

I tried my dambest.

My mother really is "the love of my life." [uh...yuck.]

The varsity jocks made fun of her enormous breast. [just one?]

Most peoples heroes are either a superhero or an action figure.

I live in the state capital, Austen, Texas.

I bummed the test.

You might want to rethink yourself if you admire someone like Rudolph Hitler.

My dad is a fan of the Arizona Braves Baseball team.

He had a nice collard shirt. [but did he use bulgar language?]

I admire Bob Marley because of the amount of weed he smokes.

I had a towel raped around my leg.

Her only friends were cows. [at least no towels were raping her legs.]

He shot up heron.

My brother was a mainstream drug dealer. [God, don't you hate those indie drug dealers?]

I thought it was a thief until, loathe and behold, it was my brother.

I want to be a herbotologist and study snakes.

I admire Hendrix, Morrison, Slash, Cobain, and Brian Nowell. They all died and one even came back to rock on some more!

But in the end, he died for admiring someone other than our lord God.

Lightning is caused by an expansion of umbrage.

He altered my life...and my face, but they are both better now after some work.

Biology. It's in our blood.

My mother is a kleenex for me to wipe my tears on.

The pressure was on, like a two-ton boulder on a Honda Civic.

I work my brain off every day.

He is disabled after falling off a small building.